some really confused drunk guy starts on fucking boat with two annoying british people, and then you end up at some fucked up lighthouse thats really fucking dark even though its a lighthouse. You sonic to some flying city made by the two annoying british people. everyone wants to fuck george washington. Its really fucking weird and you get some magical power or some shit. but people dont like you because you have some weird ass letters on your hand. so then everyone is like “yo you gonna die” but then you’re like “haha nuh-uh” and you kill like everyone. then you get to this gigantic floating tower thingy and you find a girl. you need this girl for money. so you kidnap her. she doesn’t really care. but santa gets fucking infuriated because shes like his kid but shes technically not his kid. then youre like “wanna go to the paris oui oui” and shes like “hell yeah hell yeah fucking right damn right” but you like crash or some shit and you end up on a beach and all the ladies are like “I really want that dick” and you’re like “haha nuh-uh” then this girl starts dancing and youre like “we gotta go” then the british people show up and ask “bird or cage bruh?” then you choose because she wears that shit until she fuckin dies. So then you trick this girl into seriously think youre going to paris but shes like “lol wrong coordinates” and youre like “haha nuh-uh” turns out youre taking her to new york and shes like “NO MAN” so she escapes. you chase after her until you fight her mom and youre like “wHY IS MOMTHER A GHOST?” so you fight like 50,000 ghosts and find out that shes actually your kid but you sold her for booze. Like any good dad does. you also fight your friend that you were in the war with but hes batshit crazy. so then she kills someone and cuts off her hair and wears her moms clothes. shes then like “booker are u afraid of floaty man in sky?” and your like “NAHHH but you creep the fuck out of me lol back uP" you meet some girl and liz opens a tear and the girl that you met is all like "bOOKER U DED A HERO" and youre like "nO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ASSHOLE" so they try to kill you. then you just get rlly fucking annoyed and brutually fucking murder everyone. then your kid liz shows up in like 5 different outfits and is like "is he santa???" "no hes booker" and ur like "NAH IM BOTH" and you drown.